Attachment Parenting Methods for Older Children
Ways to Foster Attachment with School Age Kids
Jul 22, 2009
Attachment parenting philosophies needn't stop as children get older. The same basic ideals of parent child interaction can still be applied to children of any age. Once the baby wearing and toddler times have passed, other aspects of the parent child relationship begin to emerge.
Attachment parenting techniques may not be considered mainstream yet, but they are steadily making their way into many homes. Alvin Powell, a contributing writer for the Harvard Gazette, reported that Harvard researchers disagree with the idea that attachment parenting techniques create dependency in children. This is a common, yet unfounded, fear amongst parents. In fact, they say it's quite the opposite. The Harvard researchers reported that contact and reassurance will help the children grow to be secure and to develop healthy adult relationships.
Older Kids Need Physical Affection
One of the fundamentals of the attachment parenting philosophy is to give an abundance of physical affection and care. This holds true for older kids, as well. Although when approaching the teen years, kids may appear to feel slightly awkward with physical contact, they still need that kind of attention. Take cues from the child. Know when he needs a hug, a rustling of the hair, or a peck on the cheek.
Although snuggle time is different for a two year old than it is for a 12 year old, for example, the same need for that time still exists. Simply sitting on the couch with legs draped over each other is a simple demonstration of casual touch. Arm in arm goofy walks together is another. Comfort hurts with a hug or a sympathetic caress on the back. Loving touch is a fundamental human need. Wise parents recognize this need and make sure to frequently offer it to their children.
Conscious Discipline
As children get older, new issues that require intelligent discipline arise. Time-outs and distraction techniques no longer work. It's a positive note, however, that natural consequences come more into play in later years. This makes for easier discipline. If the child doesn't do her homework, she gets a poor grade. If she does not save her money wisely, she may not be able to purchase a large item that she desires. These kinds of natural outcomes help a child develop an internal discipline, which is a high goal of many parents.
Another aspect of discipline that deserves attention is that parents should make it a priority to try to uncover the reasons behind misbehavior, instead of just reacting to the behavior. If parents can work with their children and solve the underlying need or issue, the misbehavior naturally ceases.
Showing Respect Towards Kids
One key attribute of parents who adhere to attachment parenting methods is that they recognize their children as actual human beings with similar needs of their own. Respect is to be valued throughout childhood and into adulthood.
If parents make it a point to nurture respect for their children, then open communication will likely continue as the children move into the teen years and eventually into adulthood. Remaining calm and demonstrating good listening skills are very important to help kids feel appreciated and safe. Offering respect yields respect in return, and therefore creates strong bonds of trust.
Parents of older children can develop and maintain attachment techniques that build excellent relationships. Affection, positive discipline, and mutual respect are some of the ways to follow the attachment parenting path.
Resource: Attachment Parenting International
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